November, 2007

Mentoring: Do I really make a difference
in the life of the teen I mentor?

Last April I used this space to write about a gentleman in our program, Hugh Hardcastle.  There are new developments in the life of Hugh and his Mentee, “Eric.”  The story of this young man and his Mentor is a roller coaster ride to me: sometimes scary and painful, sometimes positive and flying high!  This past week, for Hugh, the mentor, and Eric, the Mentee, it was both…

“Eric” was matched with Hugh seven years ago.  Over the past seven years, “Eric”

has lived in seven different foster homes.  He could barely pick his head up to meet the gaze of his mentor, Hugh, for the first two years of their match in Reach One Youth Mentoring.  “Eric” doesn’t trust anybody, and often lives in a fantasy world.

He existed in an environment of concrete, depression and poverty – he didn’t know there was anything else out there until he was matched with Hugh.  Hugh took this sad, angry and sullen young man out every week; they went to Rock Cats baseball games, went hiking up Talcott Mountain, hit golf balls at the driving range, played basketball, tennis, went aboard the ship Amistad when it was docked on the Connecticut River in Hartford, and even attended the symphony.  Hugh taught “Eric” how to cook!  They would go to a fancy restaurant every year on Eric’s birthday – linen tablecloth and napkins for this occasion!  “Eric” got to see a whole other world just beyond his neighborhood. 

Did that change his day to day life, his frequent upheaval and moving into different foster homes, different ‘parental figures’ to obey, one transition after another with no kind of permanency in sight?  Hugh always followed at every new address and along with a wonderful social worker from DCF, got “Eric” into the residential Job Corps program a little more than a year ago.  Hugh said “Eric” beamed with pleasure and pride upon being accepted into the program and the prospect of starting a new life, a chance to learn a skill while living in one place and launching into independence after graduation.  Yes, there have been little bumps at Job Corps but nothing insurmountable.  Now, Hugh has been told that “Eric” has missed 150 days of class.  One hundred and fifty days – YIKES!  Hugh drove to the Job Corps program to check-in with “Eric,” Hugh writes:  

Prayers work!  If ever you needed verification of that, you now have it.  Eric is still in Job Corps, with a 30 day reprieve.  He must attend classes (what an odd thought) and keep his nose clean.  I saw him yesterday and was able to talk with him and his counselor together for quite some time.  Please pass along to the other mentors, that the counselor (and Job Corps) put tremendous emphasis on the network behind the kid - who might be supporting him - in determining whether they would be willing to take a chance on the person.  I talked with [his DCF] social worker today and he said that Eric had called him today and was much more communicative.  Also, the first thing Eric said was, "My mentor came to see me yesterday."  If you ever questioned whether we make a difference... 

Please pass this along to the church.  Maybe someone else will step forward, too.  In listening to Eric yesterday in our meeting, I felt he had begun to turn the corner.  He's beginning to see that it is his to win or lose. He's still Eric, with all his fantasies (I'd live in fantasies if I had had his life, too).  I don't know if he'll make it, but I'm feeling a little better.  I will be making sure to see every other week and maybe set up some kind of reward....if you do xxx then I'll take you and you can get yyy, or something.  I'm reluctant to do too much, as he really needs to find his own strength.  Obviously, prayers are still very much needed.  Thanks for your support.  Hugh

Mentors make a big difference in the lives of the children they’re matched with, we know this from research and we know this from “Eric.”